Rites of Passage Final Essay
A plentiful amount of cultural
stereotypes exist today. If you are told to imagine a wide spectrum of people
in your mind, you will most likely utilize this categorization of human beings
and mentally pick out stereotypes such as a “nerd”, “punk”, or “straightedge.”
As a person who tries their hardest to not pigeonhole people into a certain subset
of society, one fundamental fact is necessary to remember: everyone is
different. Even if you subscribe to these predetermined archetypes, you will
find subtle dissimilarities from person to person. Considering we live in a
culture focused on individualism, it is nonsensical to have designated rites of
passage for all people. Every human being has deviating ideas of what a rite of
passage is and values certain occasions in varied ways. Forced culturally
accepted rites of passage could even negatively affect a person and cause
feelings of disconnection from their fellow humans because they choose not to
participate in ubiquitous cultural standards such as getting married and having
babies. Modern society is slowly beginning to eliminate these predetermined
rites of passages and focus more on individuals making their own rites of
passage. The latter system is much more beneficial for our heterogeneous
culture today. Ipso facto: set rites of passage are counterproductive for
individuals to create meaning in their lives.
Human nature dictates that we set
goals for ourselves. It is commonly accepted knowledge that the two best
motivators are food and sex. However, each person does also have separate,
personalized goals for themselves. One ubiquitous “rite of passage” is the act
of going to college however, not everybody is destined or desires to be
involved in college life. For example,
my main goal is to thrive in the art world. I have thought about participating
in all facets of the art career field from owning my own art studio and giving
lessons to becoming an art therapist. Not all artists need to go to college.
One could just start out your career independently- although it is difficult to
do this. It was ingrained into my brain to go to college because of adults that
surrounded and influenced me in my youth.
Although, I am happy with my decision to fulfill my predetermined destiny
to go to college considering I have much to learn about the art world, people
perhaps with more knowledge and talent than I could have found their happiness
being self-infused into the art scene. Their personalized, specific goal might
have been in their head for years whereas I am still exploring my options.
People’s lives move at different paces and some commonly subscribed activities
are not ideal for every person, depending on their goals. Judith Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee,
authors of “The Good Marriage”, state “We can shape our lives at home,
including our relationships with our children and marriage itself” (Fraga et
al. 308). Blakeslee et al. clearly believe in the idea of creating one’s own
rites of passage to find happiness or contentment. The authors demonstrate in
this passage that marriages do not have to subscribe to the ideal marriage that
media portrays. Alternative relationship styles work for different people based
on traits like personality or situations that arise. Blakeslee et al. states “A
good marriage is a process of continual change as it reflects new issues, deals
with problems that arise, and uses the resources available at each stage of
life” (Fraga et al. 311). This demonstrates the idea that each couple or
participant in any type of relationship cannot limit themselves to an type of
relationship that is put on a pedestal by society. Even within the relationship
of people, each person will have their own goals and ideals of how
communication should be. If this is true, why would one force people to immerse
themselves into an “ideal relationship”? Every human being has contrasting
goals and ideals that they believe should be attained. It is impossible to pick
one right way to do something or think, as the right action or thought varies
from person to person therefore certain actions and ideals should not be
enforced simply because they are considered normal or proper.
Every person has items or activities
that bring them joy that they assign value to. Some people value certain things
more than others. Dave Barry, author of “Feeling the Force”, mocks lifetime Star Wars fanatics and debases George
Lucas’ continuous addition to the franchise. By utilizing satire such as
comparing Robin Williams to an Ewok, Barry exemplifies his frustration with the
“nerds” that mass congregate wearing their prized memorabilia whenever a new Star Wars film comes out (Fraga et al.
103). However, this franchise means a lot to these “nerds.” Whether the
franchise was a significant part of their childhood or if the plot simply
intrigues them, these people value George Lucas and his contribution to
humanity (Admittedly, I am one of these nerds). People assign significance to
certain actions or ideas that they enjoy or believe in and should not be
belittled for appreciating these things. For example, I value art and tattoos
more than I value marriage and children. Although my priorities might be the
way they are because of my age and current circumstances, I honestly believe
that I will be happiest living alone in an art studio with an abundance of cats
and tattoos and am mocked about this by my recently engaged sister Jessica whom
greatly values having a husband and children to tend to. I value creativity,
expression, and passion when Jessica values dependence, family, and
caring. Jessica and I are completely
opposite people with differing passions and personality traits therefore my
parents could not expect us to follow the same life path. One could apply the
idea demonstrated in this scenario to general life and it is conclusive that
one path is not meant for everyone. Everyone has different passions that they
believe would help them achieve the nirvana of contentment. A person who values
independence and freedom to do what they want would not desire the cultural
expectation to get married and create spawn and should not be expected to do so
simply because it is the past’s normal. Each person should be able to devise
their own rites of passage and life plan based on what they find to be
important.
When considering the value of
designated rites of passage, one must keep in mind the people who would rather
not to participate in these activities.
Whether it is based on personal beliefs and personality type, some
actions are not enticing for certain people. Naomi Wolf, author of
“Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle Toward Womanhood”, questions the act of losing
one’s virginity as a rite of passage. Wolf states “The worldview we inherited
told us that what we gained by becoming fully sexual was infinitely valuable
and what we lost by leaving behind our virgin state was less than negligible”
(Fraga et al. 136). This exemplifies how history determines the process of
losing one’s virginity as being a major transition into the next stage of life.
Firstly, not everyone views having sex for the first time as being an important
step towards become a real woman or a man, but there are also people who choose
to not have sex. Celibates, asexual people, persons of a certain religious
persuasion, or people who simply do not want to have sex actually do exist and
should not feel isolated simply because they choose to not participate in an
activity that the majority of people accomplish. Lack of a shared experience
such as having sex for the first time should not equate to conflict or
unhappiness. The abstainers have chosen a certain path and if it brings them
satisfaction and they value abstinence, then the act of becoming celibate has
become a rite of passage for them. Not all preconceived rites of passage should
be applicable to everyone. Activities that most adult and peers encourage at
high school age are the acts of going to prom and graduation. During high
school, I was the kind of person that did not enjoy large crowds, attention,
and school spirit considering I disliked my hometown and most of the people in
it. I had no desire to attend an event
in which you have to pay hard-earned money to wear an uncomfortable dress you
will wear for approximately five hours and be forced to feign a smile for
pictures and pretend to be happy to see people you have disliked for years. I
did not want the attention and applause that graduation entails. I am a quirky
introvert and do not want people paying attention to me as they usually will be
disturbed because I enjoy stating odd non sequiturs, am brutally honest, and
very animated in my facial expressions. However,
my parents were raised to believe that events such as prom and graduation are
important steps to becoming an adult and concluding their high school years of
adolescence. Therefore, I was forced to participate in these torturous events
simply because it is what was culturally accepted and is familiar. If given the
option, I would have chosen not to attend these banal occasions. Peers pass
judgment on those who choose not to participate therefore my parents did not
want to receive derision for allowing me to be an introverted individual so I
was forced to engage in trite events which I would rather rip my eyeballs out
than attend. Although I attended these expected events, I did not consider them
to be my rite of passage into adulthood whereas getting my first tattoo did
facilitate my rise into adulthood. I value certain actions more than others,
but that should not entail isolation and mockery from people who accept the
norm. We are all individuals and have the right to create our own rites of
passage that give us significance and happiness.
Everybody is an individual and
although most of us do have similarities, we all have differing traits and
alternative desired courses of action that will make us feel satisfied and give
our life significance. Preconceived rites of passage should become an idea of
the past and individuals should be allowed to form their own rites of passage
that will help them cope with life and the challenges it brings.
Works Cited
Fraga, Catherine and Judie Rae. Rites of Passage: A Thematic Reader. Boston: Wadsworth Learning,
2002. Print.
